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Couples that are already highly committed, and cohabitate for other reasons—to spend more time together—might be better poised to move towards marriage.

A one-size-fits-all time frame for when couples are ready to transition to a greater commitment like marriage isn't appropriate.

Don't discount your personal assessment of future happiness: It's tied to underlying processes you're doing now that will later affect relationship well-being. Research (Felmee, 1995) examining these "fatal attractions" has discovered that they often take a certain form.

When a partner is dissimilar from us in a specific way or has traits that are extreme—"She's super enthusiastic! "—we sometimes see these as highly attractive qualities during relationship initiation, but they later become highly qualities that can reduce relationship satisfaction.

Couples enter into relationships at different ages and stages in their lives; however, evaluating how well you know your partner, your relationship certainty, what you're expecting marriage will do to your relationship, and what you see as the current and anticipated quality of a relationship could be more useful ways to judge if it's truly time to take the plunge.

The other night I lay in bed with him and we petted with our clothes on. I have a very high libido and want sex very much physically, but I’m not ready emotionally.

Adding some clarity, the perception of knowing a partner "very well" at the time of marriage reduced the likelihood of divorce by 50 percent at any given time point as well.

Do you expect that things will be different in marriage?

If the idea of pleasuring him however he needs to be pleasured turns you off, maybe he’s not the partner you want. If we feel connected to a partner, we to give pleasure as well as receive it.

Or are you reluctant because you fear you can’t satisfy him?

As idiosyncratic as romantic couples and their experiences are, scientists who study relationship processes are aware of questions that couples grapple with as they consider their future: When should a couple get married? Although their primary focus was the costs of a wedding, they included other factors predicting marital dissolution.

But these suggested time frames can't possibly apply to everyone.




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Haney (not her real name), is currently in therapy to help overcome what she calls her "separation" of love and sex.


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