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That’s kind of weird, and there’s a greater opportunity for people to be ridiculous, to be not nice.”Many of the stories of bad behavior Lundquist hears from his patients take place in real life, at bars and restaurants.“I think it’s become more ordinary to stand each other up,” he says, and he’s had many patients (“men and women, though more women among straight folks”) recount to him stories that end with something along the lines of, “Oh my God, I got to the bar and he sat down and said, ‘Oh.But after a few weeks of chatting on the app and one failed attempt at meeting up, they ended up on a first date at a local minor-league baseball game, drinking beer and eating hot dogs in the stands.For Flores and her husband, having access to a bigger pool of fellow single people was a great development.For example, says Lundquist, the couples therapist, if you go on a date with your cousin’s roommate, the roommate has some incentive to not be a jerk to you.But with apps, “You’re meeting somebody you probably don’t know and probably don’t have any connections with at a bar on 39th Street.There’s been plenty of hand-wringing and gnashing of teeth over how Tinder reinvent dating: Maybe it would transform the dating scene into an endless virtual marketplace where singles could shop for each other (like an Amazon for human companionship), or perhaps it would turn dating into a minimal-effort, transactional pursuit of on-demand hookups (like an Uber for sex).But the reality of dating in the age of apps is a little more nuanced than that.

“People who are not very similar to their romantic partners end up at a greater risk for breaking up or for divorce,” she says.

(Today, she can no longer remember what it was.)Plus, Mike lived in the next town over.

He wasn’t that far away, “but I didn’t go where he lived to hang out, so I didn’t really mix and mingle with people in other cities,” she says.

“Twenty years ago, as now, most couples told us they’d met through their friends or family, or in college,” wrote the editor, Bob Woletz, in 2012.

“For a period that ran into the late 1990s, a number said, often sheepishly, that they had met through personal advertisements.”But in 2018, seven of the 53 couples profiled in the Vows column met on dating apps.




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