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But, the strange thing was that he wanted me to say it in an American accent. As you can imagine, I really went for it and said things like ‘you’re a useless, pathetic, piece of s*** and ‘you make me sick, you’re disgusting’.

The man in question was neither of the above; he was tall and handsome, with a delightful c**k.

We used to message each other all day long and talk dirty via text, while I was in class. I recently had a play session with someone who enjoyed being belittled.

His most regular request was that I call him daddy, which I was fine with. I was in a dominant role then, and the meaner I was to him, the bigger his hard-on got.

I’m bisexual and I’ve found men and women like very different types of dirty talk.

With women, it’s often phrases like ‘you taste so good’ or ‘are you enjoying that’.

I’ve even asked a girl to say another guy’s name once, while I f***ed her.

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Who it was, how he took her and how big his d*** was.Favourite words included ‘harder’, ‘baby’ and ‘daddy’.This was alongside moaning, heavy breathing and screaming.We talked about how we would take turns kissing and teasing her, and make her watch while I sucked his c**k.I’ve found most guys like silence, or porn phrases such as, ‘Oh yeah, that’s good’.




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So, for all those who can remember actually dialling a phone number, where’s best to find love? Yet who am I, a 53-year-old woman, to deny happiness found at such places as — which is, I guess, a site aimed at younger men who like older women. I struggled to come up with any good reasons, outside of the fact that many of us have our own money, don’t want children, don’t want marriage, aren’t afraid of nudity, can drive, cook, drink and scold. We may not always triumph over our younger, marriage-desiring, more volatile, extremely fertile and higher-pitched rivals, but it’s not a competition, is it? Unlike Tinder, some blokes on Bumble have finished secondary school and actually know the difference between you’re and your. If there’s a match, women must make the first move.


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